How does this always happen to me?

Awhile ago I was talking with a friend and we were talking about the ways in which we are different when it comes to exploring relationships. He mentioned he is one who jumps right in and then scopes out the sitaution while I am one to sit on the shore look around, slowly approach the water put a toe in maybe, then after a long process I may take another step, yet I didn't always used to be this way.

This apprenhesivness has come with many times over a broken heart, feelings of unworthliness, loneliness, and wallflower tendencies. After every broken heart I would ask "How does this always happen to me?" I think its going great and then out of no where my heart gets smashed. Praise God we have a Dad who mends the crushed spirit. The following is some insight a I gained in how to make healthy deicsions a couple of weeks ago. My prayer is that we become women who desire to be sought by Him and find healing and wholeness in Him.

Maybe when we have healed to discover "BEST" "GOOD ENOUGH" will no long be an option.

“Now Sari, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant names Hagar, so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.”-Genesis 16:1-2

It’s inevitable that whenever I read this passage right after Sari tells Abram what he should do, I look up and think, “That sounds like a horrible plan. In what realm of all things living did she think that was going to have a happily ever between this soap opera triangle?” Yet if we break this passage down we will find we are not that far off the mark with making unhealthy decisions as she was.

She had no children the passage starts off, so right away we can see the stage is set for he to have discontentment in a culture where producing an heir is EVERYTHING to keep the family name alive. “The Lord has kept me from having children…”

How many have our own plans, our own agendas, our own discontent and blame left room for making compromises that seen so harmless at the time. The next part of the verse is she goes straight to her husband to flush out the plan. No God. NO fasting. NO prayer. She takes life in her own hands to get what she desires most at the timing she finds the best for her. Sari, desires some need within her to be filled and so she looks for the fastest easiest way to make that happen.

It was a decision that was based on emotion that caused Sari to lose faith and belief in the character of her God and also the promise he made to her and Abram. We as women want to be known, want to be significant to someone, and want to be loved. So in those times of loneliness or making huge decisions in our lives how do we discern in a healthy way the best course of action to take in our lives when we are faced at a crossroad? It could be a friendship, a desire to date someone, a job, education, or the ministry God is calling us to.

The following are some healthy questions to ask yourself that will help you to fall on God’s truth and not on our wavering emotions.

How to make healthy decisions:
1)If the decisions I make comprises who I am, if the decision is healthy points me in the direction to loving myself more (Ps. 119:101, 133)
a“I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word” (101)
b."Direct my footsteps to your word; let no sin rule over me.” (133)

2)If the choice requires less of who I am and diminishes me to act as if I am not intelligent, less self-aware, insightful or as wise as I am then it’s not a healthy decision (Ps. 119:66,73)
a.Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands.” (66)
b.Your hands formed me and made me; give me understanding to learn your commands.”
(73)
3)If the decision requires me to give all the giving and taking all the risks; and there is no mutuality in the relationship then it’s not in your best interests (Ps. 119:63)
a.“I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.”(63)

4)If you are not at real peace about the decision it’s not the best course of action for you, at least not at the time (Ps. 119:165)
a.“Great peace has they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.” (165)

These are great ways to help on the road to making healthy decisions; however, the implications to get to that point are important in order to make healthy decisions. Unlike Sari in this particular story we must strive to have an intimate relationship with our Father and we have to know ourselves as God’s women, our worth, and the love we deserve no matter what the circumstance.

The Implications that come with being able to make healthy decisions:
1)Have to have an intimate relationship, be IN the word.
a.A relationship so needs to be equal give and take
b.Be honest with God, Abraham was honest with God when it came to his desires (Gen. 15 :1-3),when you do this it also allows God to become just as honest (Gen. 15: 4-6)
c. By being in the word we begin to trust in the character of God and not depend on humans to fulfill us. (A daily of prayer of mine has become: Father, guide me to look for peace IN you, security IN you, trust IN you, love IN you; if I don’t then I will look outside our relationship to glen that from others..”)
d. Contrary to popular belief in society our purpose as being women who are chasing hard after God exist for God and to bring others to know Him and His love.
2) Have to know yourself as a woman of God
a. What are your principles and values?
b. Be asking the questions, “Who am I?” “What is unique about me?” “What makes me me?” “What are the places in my life that accept me for me?”
If you are anything like me I have a stubbornness to want to know the “whys” and the “how’s” of the things God is writing for my story. Yet the more I find I am not trusting in the character of God the more times I end up with the pen in my hands.
Let us as women of God keep in our forefront of our minds this week that “You are loved by God, He will take care of you, can rest that all God has planned for you is good, has a good future for you one that is filled with no judgment or fear.”
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”-I John 4:18
May this bring peace and blessing to you this week.