American girl by birth but nothing more...

“Are you even American?” my boyfriend joked with me the other day as I struggled to identify the Star - Spangled Banner. What many people don’t know is I struggle with that part of my identity, my passport says so, but I spent some formative years living abroad and the longest I have lived anywhere is 6 years. I never grew up knowing what it meant to be patriotic for a place. We moved from place to place, like nomads do, never truly digging roots anywhere. I’ve never lived close to extended family and the consistenecy of friendship I have is comprised of long distance ones of 10 and 17 years. I am at home most when I am among other cultures and though I don’t speak anything but English I am comforted by the sounds of another’s language being spoken around me. Not many people get this world, one that shifts in places and faces. Maybe that’s why I am drawn to the outer circles many times in life.

I’m not going to lie, I find it hard to “plead allegiance” to a country, something in my eyes, that is temporary and being of nomad blood I have found the only true and constant thing I know is to align myself to God and his authority in this life and the next…

I’m being challenged these by the God of Community to begin to live a life of Covenant and not one that is filled of co-habitual habits. Let me explain. Know that as I am doing this I am guiltiest of all for living much life like this with all I have encountered. I have fallen short and by the grace of God He is showing me another way.

In cohabitating the length of the relationship is anybody’s best guess. “It’s this idea let me spend some time with you to see if I get along with you or like you.” This relationship is about you not learning to love a person. A covenant is committing you to another, loving them before and past all their short-comings. I am starting to believe that living in covenant is uncomfortable and not the norm and goes against all that society has set up right now. If the length of the relationship is not certain how can anyone have a quality relationship with anyone, and knowing that if something goes bad you have the option to bail, but how is that fair to anyone? Co-habituating is like asking someone to be in their best behavior all the time and only then will I love you and stay with you-it’s soooo conditional. A covenant is a sealed agreement with another because you want to invest in their lives and love them and walk with them no matter their shortcomings-unconditional, the type of love we were all meant to have.

OK friends, don’t hear me say, “Kara, said bind myself to this person, but they are manipulative or abusive or don’t have my best interests at heart...” I’m not saying that—we all must be wise in who we choose to bind ourselves with-don’t bind yourself to a fool or some dill-weed who cares nothing for you. I have had many a time I thought I was suppose to build a covenant community with people but through prayer and discernment the spirit showed me another way. You choose, and you discern. But we need to be a people who stops jumping from community to community simply because we are fearful for people to know us or are shy to experience unconditional love.

From a personal standpoint, being that vulnerable and intimate with people is a challenge, but that first time you truly experience unconditional love from another person is the closest to a tangible form of grace I have know. When you begin to trust people to be your side on your rotten days and people who love you and you don't have to portray perfection to them, there is FREEDOM in convenant relationships!

So I still wonder if I am American, but one thing I do know is my allegiance and identity is in God and now I am called to align myself with believers in the community to walk with them and bestow on them that which has been given to me.