How does this always happen to me?

Awhile ago I was talking with a friend and we were talking about the ways in which we are different when it comes to exploring relationships. He mentioned he is one who jumps right in and then scopes out the sitaution while I am one to sit on the shore look around, slowly approach the water put a toe in maybe, then after a long process I may take another step, yet I didn't always used to be this way.

This apprenhesivness has come with many times over a broken heart, feelings of unworthliness, loneliness, and wallflower tendencies. After every broken heart I would ask "How does this always happen to me?" I think its going great and then out of no where my heart gets smashed. Praise God we have a Dad who mends the crushed spirit. The following is some insight a I gained in how to make healthy deicsions a couple of weeks ago. My prayer is that we become women who desire to be sought by Him and find healing and wholeness in Him.

Maybe when we have healed to discover "BEST" "GOOD ENOUGH" will no long be an option.

“Now Sari, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant names Hagar, so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.”-Genesis 16:1-2

It’s inevitable that whenever I read this passage right after Sari tells Abram what he should do, I look up and think, “That sounds like a horrible plan. In what realm of all things living did she think that was going to have a happily ever between this soap opera triangle?” Yet if we break this passage down we will find we are not that far off the mark with making unhealthy decisions as she was.

She had no children the passage starts off, so right away we can see the stage is set for he to have discontentment in a culture where producing an heir is EVERYTHING to keep the family name alive. “The Lord has kept me from having children…”

How many have our own plans, our own agendas, our own discontent and blame left room for making compromises that seen so harmless at the time. The next part of the verse is she goes straight to her husband to flush out the plan. No God. NO fasting. NO prayer. She takes life in her own hands to get what she desires most at the timing she finds the best for her. Sari, desires some need within her to be filled and so she looks for the fastest easiest way to make that happen.

It was a decision that was based on emotion that caused Sari to lose faith and belief in the character of her God and also the promise he made to her and Abram. We as women want to be known, want to be significant to someone, and want to be loved. So in those times of loneliness or making huge decisions in our lives how do we discern in a healthy way the best course of action to take in our lives when we are faced at a crossroad? It could be a friendship, a desire to date someone, a job, education, or the ministry God is calling us to.

The following are some healthy questions to ask yourself that will help you to fall on God’s truth and not on our wavering emotions.

How to make healthy decisions:
1)If the decisions I make comprises who I am, if the decision is healthy points me in the direction to loving myself more (Ps. 119:101, 133)
a“I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word” (101)
b."Direct my footsteps to your word; let no sin rule over me.” (133)

2)If the choice requires less of who I am and diminishes me to act as if I am not intelligent, less self-aware, insightful or as wise as I am then it’s not a healthy decision (Ps. 119:66,73)
a.Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands.” (66)
b.Your hands formed me and made me; give me understanding to learn your commands.”
(73)
3)If the decision requires me to give all the giving and taking all the risks; and there is no mutuality in the relationship then it’s not in your best interests (Ps. 119:63)
a.“I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.”(63)

4)If you are not at real peace about the decision it’s not the best course of action for you, at least not at the time (Ps. 119:165)
a.“Great peace has they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.” (165)

These are great ways to help on the road to making healthy decisions; however, the implications to get to that point are important in order to make healthy decisions. Unlike Sari in this particular story we must strive to have an intimate relationship with our Father and we have to know ourselves as God’s women, our worth, and the love we deserve no matter what the circumstance.

The Implications that come with being able to make healthy decisions:
1)Have to have an intimate relationship, be IN the word.
a.A relationship so needs to be equal give and take
b.Be honest with God, Abraham was honest with God when it came to his desires (Gen. 15 :1-3),when you do this it also allows God to become just as honest (Gen. 15: 4-6)
c. By being in the word we begin to trust in the character of God and not depend on humans to fulfill us. (A daily of prayer of mine has become: Father, guide me to look for peace IN you, security IN you, trust IN you, love IN you; if I don’t then I will look outside our relationship to glen that from others..”)
d. Contrary to popular belief in society our purpose as being women who are chasing hard after God exist for God and to bring others to know Him and His love.
2) Have to know yourself as a woman of God
a. What are your principles and values?
b. Be asking the questions, “Who am I?” “What is unique about me?” “What makes me me?” “What are the places in my life that accept me for me?”
If you are anything like me I have a stubbornness to want to know the “whys” and the “how’s” of the things God is writing for my story. Yet the more I find I am not trusting in the character of God the more times I end up with the pen in my hands.
Let us as women of God keep in our forefront of our minds this week that “You are loved by God, He will take care of you, can rest that all God has planned for you is good, has a good future for you one that is filled with no judgment or fear.”
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”-I John 4:18
May this bring peace and blessing to you this week.

Women of Biblical Hope

I was in 7th when I gave my heart away to the guy of my dreams. With that surrender I spent a year and a half I spent time putting my confidence, security, and desire to rescued in this guy. Then one day he literally faded in the distance.

Then about a year ago I stepped out and met a guy. He pursued me like I have never been and he appeared to have a heart for God and youth. I have experienced many friends finding Godly men in the most unexpected random places that I thought, “This is it, this is my time, this is my story.” As we kept moving forward I felt this guy was the one to love me, was the one who would give me security and rescue me the way I have always dreamed. Then one day he faded and God had other plans for us both. My hopes, my plans had failed me once again.

Since that time it’s been quite a journey in finding what it means to have biblical hope in the Lord and to trust my Father. Through my time with Him and also through the voice of those who have gone before this is what He has shown me.

In Psalm 33 the author praises God for all that he does, but then he makes a shift in verses 16-17 expressing to the audience various things kings put their hope in but how those things fail. “A king is not saved by his great army, a warrior is not delivered by his great strength, and the war horse is a vain hope for victory.” These things have the potential to allow someone to put their hope in the world around them instead of seeking the safest place to put their hope IN.
What is your hope IN? Where do you believe are the places in your life you will find joy, peace, confidence, contentment?

Verse 18 says, “Truly the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love.” OK, but what is this hope that is spoken about in the bible because the only definition I know of hope is one that is based on uncertainty, wishful thinking, and fingers crossed.
This hope lacks the confidence I read about in the bible in which God tells us time and time again we have the ability to have in our lives. We have to alter our definition to biblical hope if we as women are to known the full power of being women of hope.

We first have to acknowledge and confess our false hopes. Biblical hope is “rooted in placing our confidence in our faith, having an expectation in something, something is going to give us life, something is going to give us joy, something is going to protect us, something is going to be our provision, something is going to surround us and keep us.”-Marian Johnson

I look back and realize I subconsciously thought this guy was going to make me happy, give me life, give me my dreams, give me joy, give me security, my hope was in these things. I placed my security in this person and my future plans with him became my hope.

What is your hope built on? Relationships, a job, your level of education, pride, family?

As women we like to have security, have control so it’s a challenge to follow God because that would make life unpredictable and uncertain and those are scary places.
Ok, now I know you are sitting there going, “great Kara, I know I hold tight to things so how do I gain that biblical hope and hope in God?
It starts with focusing our minds on truth. Lamentations 3:19-24 shows us why we can hope in God. I heard this saying and I feel like you could replace the words with whatever you tend to put your hope in. “Marriage doesn’t make you happy, it just makes you married.” –Marian Johnson. How true! Just because you get something you hoped for doesn’t mean it’s going to ever satisfy you the way you think. So ladies, let us shift our focus and speak truth, scream it from the top of your lungs in your car, whatever you need.

“God IS good, He’s got a GOOD plan for you, and even you can’t see this know you can trust him. CHOOSE to hope IN God, CHOOSE to believe. Whatever uncertainty, whatever dark times are going on in your life we can stand firm knowing we have security in him, God is real, he is a God who sees, a God who loves us, loves me, a God who is active and working in our lives.

Next, surrender. Genesis 22 is a classic story of surrender with Abraham and Isaac. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son, the long awaited blessing to fulfill God’s promises to Abraham. “Did his hope for the future promises of God shift from what God said to the blessing that was in his hand at the moment?”-Marian Johnson.
Deep down I knew God had my future in his hands and knew of his promises to me, but the longer I dated that guy the more I found myself transferring my faith in those things to the blessing I had found of someone who wanted to spend time with me and found me attractive. My heavenly Father showed me that I was holding tightly to what I thought God should be giving me. God asked me and is asking you gently, “release your plan to me, give me your false hopes, even the things you hold closest to you.”
However, still at the end of the day we get to choose, to say “yes” or “no” to Him. Do you have to courage to say, “I’ll let you have your will with me.”

For a long time I kept asking, “But God can I hope IN you, can I trust you, will you like all the others fade in time?” But here’s the deal with that. We can hope in God because He is GOOD, he is faithful, he is trustworthy, is his ruler of everything he is sovereign. Our thoughts should shift from “God can you?” to “I BELIEVE you, I BELIEVE what you want from me is GOOD.”

My prayer for us to become women who are filled with hope is that we can all come to a place where we are able to think and feel whole heartily, “when God shuts a door I know it means something better is coming, he’s got a different plan and I trust him and my hope is built ON him.”-Marian Johnson

Being Hope...

I once told my sister-in-law that I was ok with not being around people. She said, “Really?” But you seem to love being around people.” And it got me thinking, “Why do I do what I do?” Honestly it’s not in my human nature to always want to listen to people and their problems or problem-solve their issues or extend my hand to help. I would much rather sit at home and watch a good movie or read a good book. Though this is my nature there is something I have come to recently truly start to understand. Every day I am more drawn to become like Christ who spent time loving people and not choosing who and when to love. All that I am and all that I do is not in my natural human drive, but because of the life I have in God I desire to be a truth seeker, and take the truth to people in such a way that is attractive to them. I love because He loves me at my worst; I show compassion because of His unconditional compassion for me. I hope for the hopeless because of the hope I have in Him.

"Let's Get Ready to Rumble!"...

"I'm tired of being loved for one hour at a time."-This was spoken by a women who has recently come to New Friends New Life in search for hope.

UNFORTUNATELY this is exactly what is going to be going on A LOT more in Dallas this weekend...It's all about the NBS All-Stars game. When huge sporting events hit the big cities traffickers, pimps, and club owners all know this is where the money's at. One club in Dallas spoke about how they are bringing in more girls this weekend due to the influx of customers they will be expecting in the clubs, massage parlors, hotel rooms, escort services, etc.

It is estimated about 20,0000 women and girls will be brought to this city and this does not include the ones who already live here who have booked hotel rooms themselves or their pimp have booked it.

We don't think about this when we go to a sporting event. All we think about is how well the economy will do due to hotels, restaurants, souvenirs, etc.

This weekend Dallas will do well for itself with the game in town-BUT at what cost?

The "IT" factor...

People often ask me what is “IT” that leaves a women to leave the business and find a place like New Friends New Life? What is the “IT” factor? I believe it’s the same “IT” factor with all of us. Here is my food for thought…
The population I encounter on ad daily basis is women who have been thrown into an addiction or choose an addiction as an escape. I hear about so much sexual and other types of abuse in this lifestyle that it kills me when people talk like these women chose this way. No one chooses to be abused, raped, beaten, and verbal degraded, which is happening. (Check out Melissa Farley for research). Their stories are stories of starting into the world of addiction in order to numb themselves from the reality they face on the streets or in the clubs. So the “it” factor…I think it goes back to the words of Jesus...
“Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6)
Getting well at the well is key. Sure Jesus could of healed the man, sure asked a “duh” question in his mind, but he presents the question TO the man because he knew if they man himself did not want to heal there was no point in helping because he would of just gone back to his old lifestyle—of excuses and sitting.
I am no different than these women. There are times in my life I choose to not get well with the selfish addictions on my life. I want to sit where I am and do my own thing. I chose to make not the best choices, I chose the choices that help only for the moment but not in the long run, I choose choices that are based on my roller coaster emotions. These women’s stories are inspiring to me.
Somewhere along their life’s journey they said I CHOOSE another way. They left all that knew, old friends, drugs/alcohol, easy money and start down a road of healing. They WANTED to get well. I encounter all people who tell me about their lifestyles all the time. It could be a woman from the streets, a friend, or a family member, but all share stories of addictions and habits. If we don’t even want to get well changing one’s life is a “moo” point. (As in there is no point in moving forward)
I heard this analogy the other day…If you feel you are a terrible driver, you’ve got a choice to keep being that bad driver or you give it over to another driver and allow them to do what you cannot. Keep driving bad or choose another way…
So today’s table talk is who is your driver? If something is not working in your life what choice are you going to make? BUT let’s start with the first question…Do WE WANT to get well?

Go Blind!

“I will lead the blind by a road they do not know; by paths they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I will do, and I will not forsake them.”-Isaiah 42:16

This week one of the women I work with stated this, “We work in a ministry that does not allow us to hide and is all about bringing women out of the hiding they know too well.”

So much can change from the day to the night. The light to the dark. The same street will look completely different depending on the time of day you are there. It’s true the night life finds its way on the streets in Dallas and there is one main strip where one can find all the “gentlemen’s clubs” but by day you would drive down the street like it’s any other street. The women I work with have spent many a night on the unlit streets, dark alleys, and unknown hotel rooms. They have been in hiding, but New Friends New Life allows none of the women who walk through those doors no matter what her background is to hide and learn to “become.”
One of the staff women who know firsthand that lifestyle can testify to the dark memories of long ago. She said, “It’s the memories that can keep you sober.” She remembers the dark nights when she didn’t know where her clothes were, the address she was at, or who she had been with that night. Like the majority of the women, there were years of hiding behind drugs, alcohol and turning tricks not knowing how to become the women God has destined for all us to become.
I have been thinking about the darkness and going through life blind. Often times we think this are bad. I mean after all how fun is it to truly stumble and bump into things in the dark? Or going through life blinded feeling as though you might miss out on something exciting? There are those risks when we choose to live life like this, but Isaiah talks about in our blindness we will be guided on paths and turn the darkness before us in to light. What catches my eye in this verse is it’s by nothing by my own doing that I will see the light or know where I am headed, it’s all God. Yet so many times I think I am in the light but I am in my own darkness whether it is pride, shame, self-doubt or the desire to control my life. What if we all CHOSE the darkness over the light we saw in the moment and CHOSE to be blindfolded—I wonder in our blindness and darkness would we see more than we could of trying to live in our own light??

Maybe we find ourselves at a time when we are hiding. But God is asking you to continue on the journey blindfolded and in the dark and he’s got the rest, stay sober from all the things you are not willing to surrender. And friends I am praying that in living this way He will take us all too incredible heights, and sights we could only see in this fashion of blindfolded and darkness. He does not want to see us hiding he wants to take us to a world where we see as he sees-HOW SWEET would that be??

She ran...He SAW

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me…”-Gen. 16:13

NOTE: Hagar is the only one in the Bible who gives a name to God. I find it striking that she is a woman and also the name she gives me...so profound...

Genesis talks of a young slave woman who was seen only as an object to reproduce and nothing more. Her owners, Sari and Abraham saw themselves as upstanding citizens and viewed Hagar as someone who was beneath them, just as we do today when we see a human who is in a position of being objectified.

We forget they have a story; they have a reason for being in the place they find themselves. We stop trying to see them as someone’s daughter, someone’s mother, someone who has a name.

Hagar fled from her home feeling unseen and abandoned. She had been kicked out from the only home she has known feeling as though she was at fault, a criminal according to the family she served. But as she sat in the desert, in her most critical time God saw her and she was known.
My hope is that as we finish this year we would see not only these women who have a “past” but all people whom we casually dismiss as people who have names and they have journeyed from somewhere to be where they are now.
God saw Hagar and she knew she was seen despite the way she was treated by those who should have treated her well.
At New Friends New Life I am SEEING each woman has a name, each woman is a daughter, and each one is a jewel in her Creator’s eye.

“The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert…And he said to her, “where have you come from and where are you going?”-Gen. 7-8
When we start to SEE these women as victims we can give mothers and their children a chance to live as a family. Hagar went into the remotest of places looking for a way to escape. Her life was out of control not knowing what to do or where to go, so she hid.
God asks her a question, “Where have you been and where are you going?” He wanted to engage this woman and treat her as a human being. First of all he FOUND her. It didn’t matter how far she got God still found her in her troubles. Not only that, but he wants to know about her and love her in the midst of her troubles.
The questions are valid, because in order for Hagar to know who she is and how God SEES her she’s got to be honest in where she has been and how she wants to change her life.
The women at New Friends New Life have been victimized since they were young but they have to choose change their path. However, there have to be people along the path to help them SEE their worth and walk with them as they choose to be different.
There is hope for them, for me, for you, God sees us, finds us, and wants to walk with us through our circumstances.