How does this always happen to me?

Awhile ago I was talking with a friend and we were talking about the ways in which we are different when it comes to exploring relationships. He mentioned he is one who jumps right in and then scopes out the sitaution while I am one to sit on the shore look around, slowly approach the water put a toe in maybe, then after a long process I may take another step, yet I didn't always used to be this way.

This apprenhesivness has come with many times over a broken heart, feelings of unworthliness, loneliness, and wallflower tendencies. After every broken heart I would ask "How does this always happen to me?" I think its going great and then out of no where my heart gets smashed. Praise God we have a Dad who mends the crushed spirit. The following is some insight a I gained in how to make healthy deicsions a couple of weeks ago. My prayer is that we become women who desire to be sought by Him and find healing and wholeness in Him.

Maybe when we have healed to discover "BEST" "GOOD ENOUGH" will no long be an option.

“Now Sari, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant names Hagar, so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.”-Genesis 16:1-2

It’s inevitable that whenever I read this passage right after Sari tells Abram what he should do, I look up and think, “That sounds like a horrible plan. In what realm of all things living did she think that was going to have a happily ever between this soap opera triangle?” Yet if we break this passage down we will find we are not that far off the mark with making unhealthy decisions as she was.

She had no children the passage starts off, so right away we can see the stage is set for he to have discontentment in a culture where producing an heir is EVERYTHING to keep the family name alive. “The Lord has kept me from having children…”

How many have our own plans, our own agendas, our own discontent and blame left room for making compromises that seen so harmless at the time. The next part of the verse is she goes straight to her husband to flush out the plan. No God. NO fasting. NO prayer. She takes life in her own hands to get what she desires most at the timing she finds the best for her. Sari, desires some need within her to be filled and so she looks for the fastest easiest way to make that happen.

It was a decision that was based on emotion that caused Sari to lose faith and belief in the character of her God and also the promise he made to her and Abram. We as women want to be known, want to be significant to someone, and want to be loved. So in those times of loneliness or making huge decisions in our lives how do we discern in a healthy way the best course of action to take in our lives when we are faced at a crossroad? It could be a friendship, a desire to date someone, a job, education, or the ministry God is calling us to.

The following are some healthy questions to ask yourself that will help you to fall on God’s truth and not on our wavering emotions.

How to make healthy decisions:
1)If the decisions I make comprises who I am, if the decision is healthy points me in the direction to loving myself more (Ps. 119:101, 133)
a“I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word” (101)
b."Direct my footsteps to your word; let no sin rule over me.” (133)

2)If the choice requires less of who I am and diminishes me to act as if I am not intelligent, less self-aware, insightful or as wise as I am then it’s not a healthy decision (Ps. 119:66,73)
a.Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands.” (66)
b.Your hands formed me and made me; give me understanding to learn your commands.”
(73)
3)If the decision requires me to give all the giving and taking all the risks; and there is no mutuality in the relationship then it’s not in your best interests (Ps. 119:63)
a.“I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.”(63)

4)If you are not at real peace about the decision it’s not the best course of action for you, at least not at the time (Ps. 119:165)
a.“Great peace has they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.” (165)

These are great ways to help on the road to making healthy decisions; however, the implications to get to that point are important in order to make healthy decisions. Unlike Sari in this particular story we must strive to have an intimate relationship with our Father and we have to know ourselves as God’s women, our worth, and the love we deserve no matter what the circumstance.

The Implications that come with being able to make healthy decisions:
1)Have to have an intimate relationship, be IN the word.
a.A relationship so needs to be equal give and take
b.Be honest with God, Abraham was honest with God when it came to his desires (Gen. 15 :1-3),when you do this it also allows God to become just as honest (Gen. 15: 4-6)
c. By being in the word we begin to trust in the character of God and not depend on humans to fulfill us. (A daily of prayer of mine has become: Father, guide me to look for peace IN you, security IN you, trust IN you, love IN you; if I don’t then I will look outside our relationship to glen that from others..”)
d. Contrary to popular belief in society our purpose as being women who are chasing hard after God exist for God and to bring others to know Him and His love.
2) Have to know yourself as a woman of God
a. What are your principles and values?
b. Be asking the questions, “Who am I?” “What is unique about me?” “What makes me me?” “What are the places in my life that accept me for me?”
If you are anything like me I have a stubbornness to want to know the “whys” and the “how’s” of the things God is writing for my story. Yet the more I find I am not trusting in the character of God the more times I end up with the pen in my hands.
Let us as women of God keep in our forefront of our minds this week that “You are loved by God, He will take care of you, can rest that all God has planned for you is good, has a good future for you one that is filled with no judgment or fear.”
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”-I John 4:18
May this bring peace and blessing to you this week.

Women of Biblical Hope

I was in 7th when I gave my heart away to the guy of my dreams. With that surrender I spent a year and a half I spent time putting my confidence, security, and desire to rescued in this guy. Then one day he literally faded in the distance.

Then about a year ago I stepped out and met a guy. He pursued me like I have never been and he appeared to have a heart for God and youth. I have experienced many friends finding Godly men in the most unexpected random places that I thought, “This is it, this is my time, this is my story.” As we kept moving forward I felt this guy was the one to love me, was the one who would give me security and rescue me the way I have always dreamed. Then one day he faded and God had other plans for us both. My hopes, my plans had failed me once again.

Since that time it’s been quite a journey in finding what it means to have biblical hope in the Lord and to trust my Father. Through my time with Him and also through the voice of those who have gone before this is what He has shown me.

In Psalm 33 the author praises God for all that he does, but then he makes a shift in verses 16-17 expressing to the audience various things kings put their hope in but how those things fail. “A king is not saved by his great army, a warrior is not delivered by his great strength, and the war horse is a vain hope for victory.” These things have the potential to allow someone to put their hope in the world around them instead of seeking the safest place to put their hope IN.
What is your hope IN? Where do you believe are the places in your life you will find joy, peace, confidence, contentment?

Verse 18 says, “Truly the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love.” OK, but what is this hope that is spoken about in the bible because the only definition I know of hope is one that is based on uncertainty, wishful thinking, and fingers crossed.
This hope lacks the confidence I read about in the bible in which God tells us time and time again we have the ability to have in our lives. We have to alter our definition to biblical hope if we as women are to known the full power of being women of hope.

We first have to acknowledge and confess our false hopes. Biblical hope is “rooted in placing our confidence in our faith, having an expectation in something, something is going to give us life, something is going to give us joy, something is going to protect us, something is going to be our provision, something is going to surround us and keep us.”-Marian Johnson

I look back and realize I subconsciously thought this guy was going to make me happy, give me life, give me my dreams, give me joy, give me security, my hope was in these things. I placed my security in this person and my future plans with him became my hope.

What is your hope built on? Relationships, a job, your level of education, pride, family?

As women we like to have security, have control so it’s a challenge to follow God because that would make life unpredictable and uncertain and those are scary places.
Ok, now I know you are sitting there going, “great Kara, I know I hold tight to things so how do I gain that biblical hope and hope in God?
It starts with focusing our minds on truth. Lamentations 3:19-24 shows us why we can hope in God. I heard this saying and I feel like you could replace the words with whatever you tend to put your hope in. “Marriage doesn’t make you happy, it just makes you married.” –Marian Johnson. How true! Just because you get something you hoped for doesn’t mean it’s going to ever satisfy you the way you think. So ladies, let us shift our focus and speak truth, scream it from the top of your lungs in your car, whatever you need.

“God IS good, He’s got a GOOD plan for you, and even you can’t see this know you can trust him. CHOOSE to hope IN God, CHOOSE to believe. Whatever uncertainty, whatever dark times are going on in your life we can stand firm knowing we have security in him, God is real, he is a God who sees, a God who loves us, loves me, a God who is active and working in our lives.

Next, surrender. Genesis 22 is a classic story of surrender with Abraham and Isaac. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son, the long awaited blessing to fulfill God’s promises to Abraham. “Did his hope for the future promises of God shift from what God said to the blessing that was in his hand at the moment?”-Marian Johnson.
Deep down I knew God had my future in his hands and knew of his promises to me, but the longer I dated that guy the more I found myself transferring my faith in those things to the blessing I had found of someone who wanted to spend time with me and found me attractive. My heavenly Father showed me that I was holding tightly to what I thought God should be giving me. God asked me and is asking you gently, “release your plan to me, give me your false hopes, even the things you hold closest to you.”
However, still at the end of the day we get to choose, to say “yes” or “no” to Him. Do you have to courage to say, “I’ll let you have your will with me.”

For a long time I kept asking, “But God can I hope IN you, can I trust you, will you like all the others fade in time?” But here’s the deal with that. We can hope in God because He is GOOD, he is faithful, he is trustworthy, is his ruler of everything he is sovereign. Our thoughts should shift from “God can you?” to “I BELIEVE you, I BELIEVE what you want from me is GOOD.”

My prayer for us to become women who are filled with hope is that we can all come to a place where we are able to think and feel whole heartily, “when God shuts a door I know it means something better is coming, he’s got a different plan and I trust him and my hope is built ON him.”-Marian Johnson